and dolphin noises were heard for miles.

I'm sure you're wondering what in the world that title is about. Well, in high school, my best friend and I came up with all these weird phrases. For example, "he wants to have your babies","It's not always candy canes and unicorns," and "dolphin noises were heard for miles."
Well, I'm pretty sure dolphin noises were heard for miles in my life the past couple of days. For the first time in GOD KNOWS when, I've had a stream of good luck. I saw my family last weekend, which was wonderful and had a fabulous time in the beautiful sunny south. Then, I came back to wretched NYC and had a lovely day shopping with Toast. Later that evening I found out that I got tickets to a taping of the Martha Stewart Show!!! So, Toast and I get to go see Martha! I've wanted to do that for so long! Ok, there are lots of !!!! there, but you don't understand! I used to schedule my undergraduate classes around the 10:00 am Martha Show. Please.
After that, we found out that Mema does not have cancer, then I was walking down the street and saw Laura Linney, one of my favorite actresses, then I found a penny heads up, like Mema would do, then let's see :)...what else happend...oh yea, the most important KEVIN IS COMING TO be with me and then we are MOVING ME OUT!!!!!!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
Ok...The "Eeee's" are the dolphin noises that were heard for miles from glee.
Plus mom got a new puppy!!! what a cutiepatootie!

American Tune

Words & music by Paul Simon


Many's the time I've been mistaken
And many times confused
Yes, and I've often felt forsaken
And certainly misused
Oh, but I'm all right, I'm all right
I'm just weary to my bones
Still, you don't expect to be
Bright and bon vivant
So far away from home, so far away from home

And I don't know a soul who's not been battered
I don't have a friend who feels at ease
I don't know a dream that's not been shattered
or driven to its knees
but it's all right, it's all right
for we lived so well so long
Still, when I think of the
road we're traveling on
I wonder what's gone wrong
I can't help it, I wonder what's gone wrong

And I dreamed I was dying
I dreamed that my soul rose unexpectedly
And looking back down at me
Smiled reassuringly
And I dreamed I was flying
And high up above my eyes could clearly see
The Statue of Liberty
Sailing away to sea
And I dreamed I was flying

We come on the ship they call the Mayflower
We come on the ship that sailed the moon
We come in the age's most uncertain hours
and sing an American tune
Oh, and it's alright, it's all right, it's all right
You can't be forever blessed
Still, tomorrow's going to be another working day
And I'm trying to get some rest
That's all I'm trying to get some rest

I choose: E.) None of the Above

I am not a good test taker. I have always been thrown by questions that had too many answers that included A) one answer B) another answer C) a different answer D) a stupid answer E) none of the above and F)all of the above G) just answer A and B...
You get my point. Sometimes you do not know which answer is correct.
you know D) is wrong, but the other ones seem wrong too...but wouldn't E) none of the above, be too easy to be right? How can you be asked a question and the answer not be there in front of you?
I'm figuring out that life is this test, the one with all these options. I never want to choose none of the above. It scares me. Most of the time I don't even consider it as an answer.
The reason I am ranting on this is because I have been thinking back to when it came down to making graduate school decisions. There were flaws with each place. No answer seemed to fit 100%, I just couldn't see that the answer E) none of the above, was even an option. It was like I scanned the question too quickly and thought, well A) UM is bad, B) UW-M doesn't seem right, C) Eastman ruled itself out and D) MSM---never liked but loved the teacher....I didn't even see E) NONE OF THE ABOVE!!!!!!
The great thing about that none of the above answer is that there are other possibilities not even mentioned on the page.
I couldn't see that.
I mean, maybe that option wasn't there in my state of mind last March, but you know...I see it now. It's almost as if I took an entrance exam, failed it and am just now taking the real exam. From now on every time I am faced with some huge decision I will remember that there is always another option: None of the above, and I will dare to go in a different direction.

Oh. I am always amused when people tell me they read my blog. Thank you...thank you for reading. :)

She's Beauty and She's Grace She's Miss United States....

So. That song was stuck in my head all weekend. My little sister was in a beauty pageant this weekend. She was in the Miss Northwest Florida Pageant. It was the first beauty pageant I ever attended. I have to say, Cason was wonderful. She was beautiful. She got two awards: Miss Congeniality and First Runner Up! Pretty good for her first pageant ever. She's amazing.
YAY! Cas!!!
I was so proud. Still am.

So, I have nothing to do this week except teach today. Kevin is coming on Saturday! (I can't wait.) I think I need a manicure, because I don't know if you've seen my hands, but they need help. My nails are looking a little raggedy. I can't have raggedy nails y'all.

I may just walk myself down to get a manicure.
Then after that I think may bop down to 50th and go to Anthropologie. Who knows?
Maybe I might even break out my violin...who knooowwws?

Ummm. I am Pam...from The Office.



Umm. Yes.
What am I going to do today? I think I may go shopping and maybe just might go to the Met again. I am trying to decide. I have all day with nothing to do until the orchestra concert tonight.
Bonnie is going to do my make up tonight because I never wear any make up...except mascara.

At the end of the episode Pam sums it up best...."I'm coming back the wrong way...I really didn't like it...I just really wanted to come home and I know you said to come home the right way, but you can't tell me what to do."
Me.

Weirdest Dream of My LIFE!

Don't eat a salad from Whole Foods too late at night...you will have odd dreams...such as this one:

Kevin and I were somewhere. I couldn't tell where, but he was going to propose and I was really excited about it. So, I am running around doing my own thing while Kevin is doing his own thing. It We go to eat some dinner and dessert and he told me I would really like my dessert. I knew the engagement ring was in the piece of cake, so I started tearing it up with my fork. So, I found the engagement ring and it was really weird looking. It was yellow gold, had spiky pearls, and blue feathers on it. It was also a ring set of wedding ring and engagement ring. I tried really hard to pretend like I liked it, but those aqua feathers were something else. The rest of the dream was me and Kevin trying to figure out what to do with the ring. It was so hideous. I wish I could draw a picture of it...wait ...maybe I can. I just made it in paint...here it is.

I told Kevin about the dream this morning and he thought it was funny, I think and told me I had nothing to worry about.
He is the sweetest in all the land.

What an odd dream though. I think part of it was that Bonnie and I were talking about King Cakes yesterday and about how she would always find the baby in the cake at Mardi Gras. Then Bronwyn and I were talking about me and Kevin late last night. So, I guess it was just on my mind. How strange. Oh well. Yesterday was a strange day anyway. I don't think I should olives on salads too late at night anymore. Who in the world has ever heard of a ring with feathers on it? Never in my life.

For about two seconds I thought it was Thursday.
That would have been nice.
I'm a wee conflicted at the moment about leaving school before the semester is over. I mean, I am feeling better than I was earlier, but I am wondering if I feel better because I am relieved that I'm leaving or if there is actually a reason to stay.
Hmm.
I need to think on this one.
The thing is, I think it would be better not to have grades, that's one of the main reasons I want to leave. When I reapply to grad school, my credits are not going to transfer from MSM. I am going to have to start all over again anyway.
I was really down last week about being here, but it isn't as bad this week. Hmm...Maybe it is because it is sunny.
I need to reflect.
Any thoughts?

Ewww. I don't want to go to class today.
It is beautiful outside though. That is nice. Today is busy. I have aural skills, history, teaching, then orchestra.
On a brighter note, I am going to Tallahassee this weekend and cannot wait! My wee sister is in a beauty pageant. She is a beautiful person. I am so proud of her. I can't wait to see her dress. Oh my! Dresses!
Actually, speaking of dresses, I want to find a dress to wear in the recital that Eddie and I are giving in February. I mean, I have time, but I always like to plan ahead. Maybe Eddie and I can coordinate again. If Eddie and I do anything well, it is looking good and coordinating outfits. Why can't everyone be as beautiful as me? ---Me? Think I am awesome?---Never---
So. I was thinking yesterday about the things I am going to miss in NY. I will miss the the crispness of the air, the brunch places on every corner, the lighting in my room, the Barnes and Noble on 66th, the Anthropologie on 50th, the Met, and maybe Westside Market, other than that I think I will survive just fine.
One of the things that surprises me is that I feel so excited about leaving and being able to practice on my terms.
Kevin and I were talking last night about how great he feels being in control of his life. I feel like I need to do that.
I got in touch with my high school orchestra director and she is going to try to help me get some students and maybe hire me as a clinician. Yay! Jobs!
Only 18 more days people. 18. I am going to make the most out of every one. Like Beth said, do everything I want to now so I don't look back and say, "I wish I had done that while I was living in NY."

My sistar and I had a very fun time this weekend. We went to the Cloisters, which makes you feel like you are not in NY, which automatically makes me like it. We went to the Met, and spent a few hours there and only saw part of one floor. We walked through Central Park, saw a black squirrel and ate yummy salads. It was a very nice weekend and just what I needed to help boost me through my last few days until Kevin gets here. If all I had to do in NY was walk through museums and through Central Park on a beautiful day, then it wouldn't be so bad.

No TV

Since I have no TV, I watch shows the next day online on Hulu. This morning I'm watching The Office. Very good show. It makes me laugh.
Although, this boy just told Pam that she should stay in NY for the art scene and I would have to say no. Leave Pam leave. Jim is much better than NY.
Ok, I am writing about a TV show, Oh...My....have I completely lost my mind? It is possible.

um. I take most of that back.
I'm ready to come home.
Forget 40 days in the desert. I just realized I've already put in more than 40 days in this wasteland. It is time to come home.

40 Days

Left in the desert known as MSM.
If Jesus could do it...can't I?
I mean, those Israelites wandered around for 40 years, I can last about 40 more days right?
Not in any way do I think I'm Jesus or an Israelite in the Bible, but I feel as though I am doing my share of wandering through the rough times at the moment.
On my way down to the Mitzi Newhouse Pavilion (oh honey please...that is a fancy name for the shittiest cafeteria known to man housed in the lower level of MSM) I realized that I only had 40 days (well 42) left in this hell-hole. I wondered, as I wandered, if Jesus was tested and left out in the desert for 40 days and came out OK couldn't I?
One of my teachers today pointed out that we only have 4 classes left. It made it sound so doable. The class is extremely painful, but I could have a little countdown and let that be one of my goals. All I have to do is sit in that horrible classroom that smells like a gym locker room (because they have classes in there all day and the school is not well ventilated...I am sure that we all may die of asbestos poisoning...but that my dears is beside the point) 4 more times plus the final exam. I thought about changing my ticket to the 18th of December so that I wouldn't have to sit in there for the final exam and could take it early. That sounds nice to me. However, I might get some kind of satisfaction by completing it to the bitter...oh so not bitter end.
Why is it called bitter end? I can't think of anything less bitter than being finished here. Maybe it should be glorious end to a bitter situation. Yes. That's it.
Well, here I go to wander like Jesus.

Online Shopping

I ordered some clothes from GAP the other day and they were delivered two days ago. I ordered the argyle sweater, a yellow button down shirt, a dress shirt, and a white cami.
When I opened the package on the elevator, I saw the yellow shirt. Online it looked like it was a pretty mustard yellow plaid. When I got it in person it was actually vomit yellow. You know the kind that looks like you ate a hot dog with lots of French's mustard and and then ate strawberries and blueberries. It was the ugliest shirt I have ever seen in my life. So, I returned it. The dress shirt was awful also. It looked like it had a Victorian collar on top of a potato sack with a belt that went around my hips. It was suppose to tie at my waist, but because of my smallness and the shirt's hideousness it tied at my hips. I looked awful in it. I could barely get that stupid collar over my head. So I returned the vomit plaid and the Victorian potato sack. Sometimes online shopping just isn't the best.
Well, I have almost completely decided to withdraw before the semester is out. This place makes me ill. I try so hard to take it day by day. Luckily my sister is coming tomorrow and then the following weekend I will be back in beautiful Tallahassee, and then the following weekend the love of my life will be here with me. I hope he takes me back home with him.

I can tell my kids...

that I voted for Barack Obama, the first black president.
Last night I was having trouble sleeping. Obama was ahead in the polls, but he hadn't won yet. I stayed there in my bed tossing and turning until I couldn't handle it anymore. I got up checked at sometime during the 11 o'clock hour, and saw that Obama had won by a landslide. As I was reading the articles about the first black president of the United States a wave of emotion washed over me. Within seconds of finding out I heard screaming and starting looking for the origin. I opened my window and saw hundreds of people running and walking through the street up Broadway yelling "Obama!" and general exclamations of joy. Never in my life have I seen this. Growing up in the South in the 80's and 90's, it is not likely for people to "take to the streets."
Kevin and I have talked frequently about "taking to the streets" and how people used to do it, but not so much anymore in America. I heard a political analyst say that nothing like this has happened for my generation since the 1960's. It is very exciting.
Another thing I did last night was search for and read European news articles about the US election.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/uselection2008/

elections make me nervous...especially when I see that the county I voted in was overwhelmingly for McCain. Scary...shame on you Nassau County.
I wish I could have voted in Leon or Miami-Dade. At least there I would have been among friends.

a.m. Upset...

For some reason, the past two mornings have made me really upset. Not upset in the Oh my god I'm still here in NYC upset, but the upset where you are drinking your coffee and then have a mouth full of grinds.
My coffee filters are not completely filtering the coffee grinds and there are little bitty grinds in the bottom of my mug and coffee pot. It is very upsetting. My coffee tasted so good and then got all gritty. I am quick to blame the eco-friendly filters. The directions on the box says to fold the seams, so I do. It makes the filters fit better in the little filter basket, but I think it might be ripping just a little bit.
Now, even more exciting than my ripping coffee filters: fabric stores and Martha tickets. I just sent in a ticket request for me and Bonnie to go see a Martha Show taping in December. I also need to find a stamp store here in DooDoo NYC. Here I go to find a stamp store.

Out of all the Charlie Browns you are the Charlie Browniest...

That might be me. Out of all the Nina Grays I am the Nina Gray-iest.
I'm watching "A Charlie Brown Christmas." I've already watched the Halloween and the Thanksgiving ones. I think "A Charlie Brown Christmas" is my favorite. Oh my.
My goal for this week is to try to get tickets to a Martha Stewart Show taping and to find some craft shops to spur my creativity.
Oh My...Connor is my Snoopy! I miss Con Con Bon Bon. Apparently he has not been a good boy everyday. Little Teense. I can't wait to be there with him. Yesterday I was day dreaming about being back in GA and me and Teense walking around a neighborhood or the Kennesaw Battlefields. He loves to run around my Mema's yard. I am looking forward to so many things. I just need to find a way to be level here until I leave. Maybe little field trips will make me feel better, like my little projects to find tickets and craft shops and research sewing machines and maybe finding teaching books and rubber stamps. I also need to do a little Christmas shopping...buying things for other people always makes me feel better.
The Christmas decorations are going up in the store already. I can't help but feel a little sad at Christmas. I think that is why I like the Charlie Brown Christmas. I love when they decorate that little tree. Linus wraps it in the blanket and they decorate with Snoopy's decorations. I want a wee tree.
I think a lot about life lessons. I try to figure out if maybe the reason I am here in this horrible place is to learn some grand lesson that I won't truly understand until later. Most life lessons are like that. You can't see the point in the dust storm, only when you are out of it. I must say that there is starting to be a silver lining in this dark cloud known as the MSM days.
There are things I am grateful for about coming here though. I know more about what I want and what I don't want. I am learning to put myself first and take care of myself. I am learning that. I guess that what lifetimes are for.

bags are prettier with my initials tattoed on them.

Welcome November!
If it is November, then it is almost December, which means I am almost home.
Well, I was reading through my Mary Engelbreit magazine last night and had a thought. I remembered how I used to want to sew and then never really did...it is a long story...but now I am headed back home and thinking that for the first time in a long time I am going to do things I have always wanted to do like take sewing lessons and maybe even some cooking classes. I have a shot at being happy and finding out what really makes me tick and I am going to take it.
I had an epiphany...I love Vera Bradley bags...I love monograms on Vera Bradley bags...I love soft towels...I love monograms on soft towels, I love sheets and I love monograms on soft sheets...this all got me to thinking. What do these things have in common? Monograms!!! If a bag is pretty alone it is even prettier with my initials tattooed on them. So, in my few fantasy of taking up sewing again after a 13 year slump, I am also going to learn to do embroidery and learn to monogram. I may even start doing it for other people if I am good at it. It can be my little creative business on the side of my lessons. I mean, most of my lessons will be taught after school so this could help me earn some money and be something creative and fun.
I also miss stamping. I used to be really into rubber stamping and making stationery. I think I will also get on that again. Also! My friend and I have been talking about opening a little store together, in about 5 years, that would be eclectic. I could do all the monogramming there too! Oh my!!! This sounds amazing to me. I miss my crafty side and feel like I had to squelch it when I was working in my undergrad. I am ready to let my creative side out and have a feeling that it will help my music, my playing, and my teaching.

life is expensive

why is life so expensive?
For those of you who don't know...my truck needs major repairs. The transmission is busted. Last weekend the window fell to the bottom of the door, the battery is corroded...well was. Mema and Kevin had to get it fixed since I wasn't there to take it in myself. Mema's car guys did a full body look over of my truck and told her she was lucky to have made it to the shop. The truck has over 100,000 miles on it. So, the window and battery are fixed and now we are waiting for the parts to come in for my new transmission. There was a brief conversation about selling the truck. However, the back end is falling off (extensive body damage) and the transmission is bust. The repairs are actually costing close to what the truck is worth, but I can't sell it how it is. I can't drive it how it is...so it's time to fix it. I love that truck. Not even going to lie. That truck is amazing. I miss it.