What on this earth.
MSM: Manhattan School of Misery.
Honestly, every time I think, "Oh this is going better...I can stick this out..." something else happens. It never fails. The writing is on the wall.
Actually, the writing has been on the wall quite literally a few times. There is a building on Amsterdam that has a quote by Roosevelt about saving money and about how that is very important. Then I started reading a book that was about families and being happy, then the next book I read was about a girl who was a very competitive pastry chef from a well to do family who got offered a job that was "beneath her" but she is taking a chance to do it and be happy. She didn't want to be in the harsh environment anymore and was tired of pushing and pushing and just wanted to be happy. She even starts at a New York school and then a week later transfers to a culinary school. Hmm.. familiar?
The other one was yesterday, Bonnie and I were at Sarabeth's and there were newspaper articles from the 80's about being happy and being successful. Every where I turn the signs point to doing something else for a little while. Beth said it might not hit me on the head, but this is coming pretty close. It scares me a little to leave school though. Even though it is wretched here, school is all I know.
After seeing those kids yesterday where I am starting to teach I realized that I'm in a little bubble. A self hating, competitive bubble called a conservatory. It clicked...I realized that my skills as a violinist, my heart, my soul as a violinist won't diminish if I choose not to complete a degree here. As Beth said, it may open doors I never knew existed. So. There we go.