Turning in my withdrawal form lifted about 1,000 pounds off of my shoulders. I felt happy for the first time in a long time. I was genuinely smiling and happy as the registrar stamped it and put it in my file. I cannot wait to leave.
Bonnie and I saw "The Secret Life of Bees" tonight. I really loved it. I cried through a lot of it. I cried when I read the book. There weren't many people in the theater, but it is a Wednesday night, so I guess that is normal. The movie made me miss the South. I miss the fields and the sunlight. The sunlight in the south is gorgeous. I never want to live in another big city ever. I want a small house with a yard in a small(ish) town with access to civilization. I want to be the local violin teacher, maybe even teach at a community college, who knows. All I know is that I don't want to be here and I know that for the first time I love where I came from and cannot wait to go back. Funny how life comes full circle like that?
Hopefully Kevin and I can rent a house or something next year with a little yard where the light streams in through the trees. A place where Connor can run around, a place where I can go running and not feel like I am taking my life in my hands, a place where I can grow a little garden, a place where I can sit in the grass, where we actually need a lawn mower. I'm beginning to see what my Dad always talked about with the disintegration of American life and land. I see now why he wanted so desperately to leave us property. He always said that would be the most valuable thing. He wanted us to own land, to own land where there were trees and yards. I see now exactly what he was talking about and why he sought out land. Now, it is my turn.