I am so tired at the moment, but still seem to not get into bed. I talked to mom for a long time tonight and that made me feel better.
I had a really good lesson today. I felt so much better than I have in previous weeks and lessons. Laurie and I started new. I'm playing Mozart 5 and it is going really well. It is a beautiful piece and she really likes my Mozart style playing. She says it is something you either have or you don't.
Mom said something interesting tonight...she said I'd been blessed with teachers. She's right. I have. Studying with Beth was no mistake. Beth led me to Laurie, which was no mistake either.
The past two months have been difficult ones. NYC is not a place for the faint at heart. Laurie and I talked tonight about how the music business is no sweet business. It will beat you up even if you don't have any emotional baggage.
Apparently I tote around a few extra heavy bags. For a long time I was able to keep it together, not show anything, just be...or at least I thought so...but now, I am starting to split at the seams a little. My cracks are starting to show. Tonight in my lesson, I realized that I pushed myself to all the goals over the past few years. I accomplished a lot, but now living out one of my goals I've had some time to do some personal inventory and really think and examine my choices and my life. Laurie pointed out that I made goals, one of them getting into my #1 Graduate School choice, which I did. Yay me. Now what? It was an interesting conversation.
Maybe a straight up withdrawal isn't the best choice...maybe I should take a leave of absence and then see where I am.
Here's another thing: The next time someone asks me what I do for fun...or what I do to enjoy myself...I want to have an answer. A good answer...I'm getting there, but I'm not there yet.