Home. I am going home.
I am so excited. Once I decided I needed to do this for myself a weight of a thousand pounds was lifted. I picked up my forms and everything and talked to the registrar. So, now all I have to do is wait it out and enjoy the time I am here, which can be done now that I know what I am doing.
My support system are the most important people to me in the world. There is nothing more important than they are. Last night I was on the phone with my best friend and she said that she knew that I would happy doing just about anything as long as I was with my support. She said she knew that I would go, heal where I need to, and then pursue music in a different way than I am now. She made a good point. My playing got the best when I was with Kevin and the semester Cason came to FSU. A coincidence? No! I was happy! Just knowing that I was with and around the people who love me gave me creativity, gave me the confidence to be a musician.
The other night on the phone Kevin even suggested that maybe I wouldn't want to quit if I was at home just playing music with him instead of being in this horrible environment. He is right.
Last night another friend and I were talking about the meaning of success. What is success? I feel like so many musicians have a skewed and narrow view and end up highly disappointed at the end. My views of success have changed also, which has broadened my range of happiness and fulfillment. When I do go back to get my masters in music, it will be for me, because I want to, because it is the right time and the right environment.
I want to go somewhere more academic where I have to research and find things out for myself. I've even considered doing the education thing just so I could do research and get a doctorate. Musicians are fascinating people. The psychological issues that swirl around musicians are also very interesting.
So, for you people out there worried that I am walking away from music...don't worry. It cannot be done. Just trust me on this one. Ok? I know what I am doing. The music business is too horrible and rough to not be nice to yourself. That is all I am doing and it feels right.