No Offense, But Self...Get a Grip

Major breakdown this weekend. I mean major. One of those mid 20's life crises kind of break downs. Poor Mom and Kevin had to piece me back together.
Here's the thing: I am not happy. Not here. This could be for a laundry list of reasons. I have only been here 5 weeks, (and counting...please), I am far away from home, this school is expensive, unorganized, and frankly just plain weird. I feel like I am getting another undergrad degree. However, there are good things here too. I like my teacher, I like my chamber group, and I like my friends. Is that enough to stay? I mean, do I really want to leave and then start the whole process again? Looking for a new school is exhausting. Auditioning is exhausting, but I could go back to FSU. I could try my hand right now at freelancing and teaching private students. Who knows. I could try again for next year...or even wait until Kevin is ready to do his masters and then us go together.
Kevin gave me good advice. He said that I shouldn't make a decision based on all these things about money or whether I am a quitter or all these other factors I seem to make things about. He said do it for myself. Am I happy? Do I like MSM? He said it is my life. I know this is stupid, but I hadn't come around that corner. It isn't about me disappointing people or myself. This is my life and I can do with it what I please.
Mom also gave me really good advice. She says give it until Winter break, then I will know for sure. She says I haven't been here long enough yet. I agree.
Let me just talk this out.
I know after having this meltdown that I definitely want to do music.
I know that I love violin and that I am a good teacher.
I know that I do want a masters degree, no matter how painful the process.
I know that even though I have loans I will be OK if I decide to stay.
I know I have a lot of options.
I know that if I can just get through the year the summer will be here and then I would be 1/2 way finished with this degree.
I know there are other programs out there and that I can do with my life what I please.

Kevin and Mom also said some things that made me feel better and shifted my mindset. They both in different ways told me that I don't have to prove that I am tough by staying here if I am unhappy. How dumb would that be? Sometimes I tie all these other factors into decisions and don't look at the core. I make things about other things.

Mom said to take it one day at a time. I guess that is what I need to do.
Maybe I should go talk to the career people here.
I'm realizing that it has nothing to do with the school you go to, but what you do with yourself.
I wish I could be a chamber musician and just toodle around playing with my friends and getting paid. Why doesn't Matthew live near me? Why can't Edward be just around the corner?

Here are some of my ideas:

• Stay here on the performance and education track (graduate 2011)
  
• Stay here and only do the performance degree (graduate 2010)
  
• Stay here, do the performance degree then go wherever Kevin wants to go and get my Ph.d. (graduate 2010 with more schooling ahead)
  
• Leave. Go home. Start up students and some job and then go with Kevin to where he wants to go and get a different masters degree. (no graduation)
  
• Leave. Go back to FSU, gig, teach and get a degree in Finance. (no graduation from here)
  
• Stay here, find an apartment and a job and just take lessons with Laurie.
• Drop down to a performance certificate and be finished this year then look elsewhere for a different program that is more my style.
• Stay and try to do as many things as possible, like take viola.
• Calm down and take it day by day.

No offense self, but I think the last one is the best choice.